Black Swan

Posted by hobbitnotes

tommilsom:

meganamram:

MILA KUNIS: I’m going to dance the Black Swan.

NATALIE PORTMAN: No, that’s my role. I’m going to dance the Black Swan.

(Door bursts open.)

PAULA ABDUL: No, you’re both wrong. I’M GOING TO DANCE THE BLACK SWAN!!!!!!!!


(PAULA applauds for herself and winks at two non-existent TV cameras. She spits out a tooth.)

MILA & NATALIE: Oh, Paula, not again!

(PAULA hits her baby toes with a hammer and spits out a rare diamond.)

PAULA: Look at my feet, look at my feet, hippity hop hop I’M A DANCER SHAMBADANGLE CHA-CHA BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(PAULA does 8% of the splits and sticks a Q-Tip into her tear duct.)

NATALIE: Paula, please stay out of this. You haven’t been able to dance for years.

PAULA: But we can be friends – we’re all dancers here! We’re just three dancers with moss for hair!!

MILA: You don’t see any differences between us, two lithe ballerinas, and yourself?

PAULA: Nope, no differences! We’re all just a few beautiful ballerina baby boom-booms with more than thirteen bones in our bodies and addictions to pills that are the color of a boy’s lips!!

NATALIE: OK, well…can you do this?

(NATALIE does ten perfect pirouettes while resisting the temptation of a Wolfgang Puck microwaveable pizza.)

PAULA: UH UM DUH!

(PAULA takes a book of Sudoku out of her pocket, writes “2” in every box, and eats every page.)

PAULA: Would someone addicted to pills the color of a boy’s lips and also addicted to other pills the color of a warm April’s polio brace be able to do a ballet move like that?

MILA: Yes.

NATALIE: Yes, I actually think they’d be more likely than most people to be able to do a move like that.

PAULA: How about this?

(PAULA screams “BLACK SWAN” over and over again while completing the maze of a Denny’s kids menu.)

MILA (whispering to NATALIE): I don’t even want to make out with her, and I am totally into psychosexual-lesbian-experimenting these days. Like college, with less deans.

NATALIE (whispering to MILA): The best part of college is the deans.

PAULA: I’m addicted to pills the color of Xanax!!!!!

(PAULA signs the word “rabies,” pulls someone else’s braid out of her hair, and collapses.)

NATALIE: The fun thing is that none of us menstruate.

aaaahahaahhahahahahahaha

This is just perfect! :D

  1. hrabanek reblogged this from meganamram
  2. schweddy-balls reblogged this from amypoehlercoaster
  3. amypoehlercoaster reblogged this from meganamram
  4. lisalovescats reblogged this from meganamram
  5. lana--del--gay reblogged this from meganamram
  6. erubescens reblogged this from meganamram
  7. steeples reblogged this from wheepling
  8. wheepling reblogged this from meganamram
  9. conorbiller reblogged this from meganamram
  10. lotv reblogged this from tommilsom
  11. blairrr reblogged this from meganamram
  12. steeples reblogged this from wheepling
  13. pwnparty reblogged this from tommilsom
  14. exceptsummer reblogged this from tommilsom
  15. maggielikestodance reblogged this from tommilsom
  16. bincapanda reblogged this from tommilsom
  17. inerwienerbeaner reblogged this from meganamram
  18. awkwardheart reblogged this from tommilsom
  19. hobbitnotes reblogged this from tommilsom and added:
    This is just perfect! :D